You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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