i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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