how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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