dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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