The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
