We're like a lot better than the average bears
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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