I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
