Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
