She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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