sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
