so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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