I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
