Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
