come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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