you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
