I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Send us your Text From Last Night!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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