No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i've created a new STD.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
