Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
