She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
