this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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