Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
