cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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