I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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