3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
