I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
