**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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