i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
