the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
