i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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