I'm drive I can fine osifer
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
