i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
COCAINE IS GR8
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
