My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
