But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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