Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
