I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
