I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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