i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
