sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
