The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
