So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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