Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
