I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
