this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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