I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish you could order shots online.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
