Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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