i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
