wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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