Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
