Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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