me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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