I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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