Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
