look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
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Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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