so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
