your parents love me but you hate me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
