Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize