I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
