maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
