...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
