So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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