I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
