Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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