i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
