Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
