my sisters under your porch take her home
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
