i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
