You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
