I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
