his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
