Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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