If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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