matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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