Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
