Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
