youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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