ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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