I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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