Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
