Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
