My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
