she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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