if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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