i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
