I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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