just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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