My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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